About me, Okategoriserade

Becoming a drug addict 

While Francois got clean from all his prescription drugs and continued his life heathy and happy on lithium, I became a drug addict myself.The drug was Tramadol, it is a morphine based drug.

It is highly addictive and has a long list of side effects.
The constant headache from when “that person” had attacked me would not go away.
Although “another person” was aware of all this it did not keep her from kicking me out of the house I was living in with my man,-when she was coming to visit with her family.

I’m like, yes if you are 5 years old or in the middle of breaking out all the worst hormones in your teenage years, well yes, I guess it can be difficult to meet your daddy’s girlfriend.

But if you are a grown up women, in your 30’s, hello, deal with it.

Anyway so “another person” with her husband and children was coming here one week to visit Francois, but the real reason was skiing, cause they did not spend any time with him, they did not even ask him to come with them to ski.

I got kicked out, even though I hade made 3 different cakes for them, brownies, popcorn, jelly with vanilla sauce and even bough my little ponies for the two girls.

So I was back in the truck again for one week.

I had made a food plan for Francois, what he should eat since he is bipolar, and was in a recovery state from all the addictive prescription drugs, but this they completely ignored and gave him spaghetti bolognese 2 days in a row, the dish he hates more than anything.

Please people out there, when you go to visit your parents, please ask them what they want, be grateful, they gave us life💖
While the “another person” and the gang was out skiing, me and Francois meet at the gym.
I had gotten glasses that I used so I could safely drive the car again, and when I took the Tramadol 3 times a day I was feeling better!
Sorry that this post is short, because I am at home with a very very bad throat inflammation.

I will continue the blog tomorrow 🤒

Here is a picture of me from yesterday

I was sick already Sunday, not choose to ignore it, worse Monday but had been looking forward a whole week to go skiing with Francois, so I did.

And on yesterday (Tuesday) I was going to jump with Duc, and for sure did not want to miss that!

Can we all take a moment please and appreciate his incredible front leg? ⭐🐴

  Totally best friends with the 🥕Carrot eater💖🐴

Went to the doctor and got penicillin and continued my day. When I was finished riding I was todyally caput, so tired. Been in bed since. Can’t eat or drink, well I eat ice cubes, they cool down my throat so good .

About me, Okategoriserade

Moving in together 

After the birthday of Francois and the beautiful pictures of me, Francois and Kanouk, – it was time for my operation to correct my broken nose.
I still had a lot of pain in my head, and the doctors were hoping that the pain would diminish once the nose was on its right place again!

I still had blurry sight on my right eye and no feeling on the right side of my face. Had no control over the right eye, and could not open it fully.
Nose operation done, Francois staid with me at the hospital, and brought me home to his house.

He had a bed with a remote control, so I could “sit” sleeping in bed, you know, raise the back.

And I had to be like this and under observation because of the risk of inner bleeding.

“That person” said I was not allowed to be in Francois house, and threaten me, said horrible things to me, that Francois did not love me, and that he only said that he loves me to get to fuck me, the oldest lie in the book, that men have been lying to women and telling them they love them for sex, and that Francois never loved me, that I would never live with him, and never some other things also.
All this “that person” shouted to me while I was lying in my pj on the sofa in the music room, one day after surgery.

“That person” also said if I was going to be in the house until I was healthy, the 3 of us was going to sleep in the same bad, and “that person” wanted to sleep in the middle.

But of course this did not happen, somehow Francois got that person to leave. And we were alone!

He was still drugged, bud manage to take well care of me, bringing me croissant with Philadelphia and jam in bed! He even made fresh made orange juice.

After my 1 check up with the doctor it was time for me to fly to Narvik and go on Christmas holidays with my parents.

To take the plane was unbearable, the headache was so strong that I trow up all the time, and was not able to go to my second plane, and had to wait one day to continue the journey to the North of Norway and my childhood paradise.

When I landed I was in very very bad state, I was screaming of pain, and my parents had to take me directly to the hospital.

I got morphine and meet with a crises team.

The whole Christmas was filled with hospital time, CT scanns, psychiatrist and so on.

Not really the Christmas we had been looking forward to.
Francois had put his foot down and decided that I was going to move in with him after the New Year.

I could move in the 6, because then “that person” was going to Israel.

One of my best friends Tina followed me back to Switzerland and helped me move, she took the horses and basically did everything for me.

I was taking sleeping pills and Tramadol.

The 6. January came and I moved in to Chalet My Ladi, the house of me and Francois❤

If you think it was a fairytale straight away, you are wrong.

I was in so much pain and had doctors appointments all the time.

Francois was addicted to 4 very strong antidepressants.

In all this I still wanted to save the love of my life.

Every time I tried to explain him that the pills were wrong for him and dangerous, and reminded him how I had healed him once before, he became angry and said to me that I was not a doctor. And that “that person” and his doctor said he had to take everything.

It was impossible for me to make him understand how the body of a human works, what processes the different drugs does to the body and what impact they have, specially on a older person.

So I said that I wanted to see his doctor, and I needed a good shrink form my own problems anyway!

“That person” said to Francois to forbid me to see his doctor, that I would manipulate the doctor 😂😂😂 statements like that, from “that person” makes me think 🤔😂
So me and Francois went to his doctor, I stated my case, what I have studied and how I thought a bipolar person like Francois should be treated, with a correct nutrition plan for his gens, the lithium and regular physical exercising.

That the drugs Francois was taking were extremely dangerous for him.

And guess what, the doctor agreed, he confirmed that all this medication gave Francois no life quality, cluttered with his memory and had bad side effects. – the only reason that he had prescribed all this for Francois was because “that person” said Francois wanted to kill himself all the time and he needed to be totally tranquillized.

But it was not a medical problem why Francois had talked about killing himself, it was because of his terrible family and how he felt bad future prospect.

It was a hard fight to get him of these very addictive drugs, one of them being similar to LSD.
To be continued


About me, Okategoriserade

The last time Kanouk💖

So after “that person” attacked me Francois refused to leave my side!Nothing “that person” said or threaten could make him leave.
He first staid with me in the apartment outside the stable, and took me to all doctors appointments.
For his birthday we were going for two days to Zermatt, I was not riding anything at all for the moment.

But Francois insisted that I had to ride a little on his birthday before we left, so Simone the stable boss let me ride her very safe school horse Victor.
I really could not judge distance and had constant headache, took high doses of Tramadol/morphine and was not up for any riding on my sensitive competition horses!

I also had to wear sunglasses all the time to avoid getting any lights in my damaged eyes.
Riding Victor went fine! And I was happy with that, the horse was calm and listen to my irregular signals, or he did what he knew to do, no matter what I did.

I was convinced my jumping career was over, but Francois was not ready to give it up just yet.

He begged me to tack on Kanouk, and ride just a little on Kanouk.
I was skeptical, but after all it was Francois birthday, and I wanted to please him, – so me Victor (the horse) and Francois went back in the stable.

We tacked of Victor together and on Kanouk!

Riding on Kanouk went okey, I did not work him good, but I could ride him around!

This to Francois satisfaction, he wanted me to try a little jump.

In his defense he were only thinking of me flying over some jumps with Kanouk, and the both of us feeling a lot better afterwords.
But it did not happen.

I galloped to a little vertical, but since I could not judge the distance I went forward then hold, then Trott, the stop.

This was the first time Kanouk had ever stopped with me.

I came on again, hold my self in the mane wit both hands, sat completely still, Kanouk jumped! – but I could not follow, so I ended up behind him, pulling his mouth, since I had panicked and let go of my grip in his mane.

I dropped of him and cried, my last memory of jumping my all time favorite horse ended like this.
Francois cried to.

We put Kanouk in the stable, I took more Tramadol, got in the car, and feel asleep on our way to Zermatt.

I still remember the feeling of being hopeless and sucking, just like I did that day, when I let on of my best friends Kanouk down.
I had a lot of pain, and when we came back I got a date for my operation to fix my broken nose.

We got a girl from the stable to take some pictures of me, Francois and Kanouk together, before I would have a giant cast in my face.

After my operation it was scheduled that he was going to leave me, and jump children/junior classes in Norway. To be outside 8 hours a day in a big filed, and have a big box to come in to in the afternoon.

To be able to compete as long as he wanted and me retired there.

It would be good for him, but it was so hard for me!
When he left, it was the last time I ever saw him! I still remember his smell, his touch of his nose on my head, how he would smell me, and how his fur on his neck felt when my hand touched him!

I try as good as I can to forget the last time I tried to jump with him, and only remember the happy times we shared, and everything he though me💖

Thank you Kanouk des Essarts!
And Francois, thank you for letting me have him, and not selling him when you had that offer from the French girl at the show in Chevenez!

About me, Okategoriserade

“That person” tried to make me blind 

So the last post on my story finished with “that person” following me, Maria and my freelance groom, in the dark with the long light on her car on, so it was difficult for me to drive safe.
Anyway, that went fine.
After me and Francois had lived together in his home one week, It had awaken a big longing in him, he was longing for me all the time!
I started to spend the night there, in the evening when he was sure “that person” would not come and control him, he called me and I came!

He also thought it was ridiculous, “that person” never worked in her life and was solely living on Francois money. “That person” had a boyfriend in Israel, a apartment there, a cleaning lady in Suisse and in Israel, eat in restaurants all the time, with her boyfriend, and all this Francois paid for.

On top of that, how could anybody accept that “that person” made rules, for a grown up man, Francois that he was not allowed to have his girlfriend in his own house that he paid for himself. When “that person” had her boyfriend in her pent house that belongs half to Francois and half to “that person”.

Francois never said anything or cared who “that person” had sleeping with her in the pent house, so how could it be possible that “that person” made all these rules for Francois? It is insane! And why did he have to listen to them?
It started a little bit to occur to Francois, even though he was still very drugged, that the rules of “that person” were insane.

But somehow he still was not strong enough to tell “that person” to fuck off, so as I said, we started to sneak around!
One of my American girlfriends was coming to try Bayamo a weekend, the freelance groom was still there, and my American friend was going to crash in the apartment where already me and the girl groom was living.

It would be crowded, so me and Francois decided that I would sleep at home with him that weekend!

We had huge plans for the weekend, she was going to try Bayamo and Chaparone, I was going to the first show in ages with Dream, and Hitchcock was going to join.
I picked her up at the airport on Friday, we had something to eat, she got installed in my apartment, and I went home to Francois in the evening!
Early in the morning around 06.30 “that person” comes running up the stairs to the bed room. “That person” starts first with smashing my phone that was on the bed, then jump on me, sits on me, holds me down by my hair, and put her fingers in my eyes.

Before it all was done I ended up with a broken nose and no feeling and sight on the right side of my face and my eye.

“That person” trashed my car also.
I called the police and they came.

“That person” left and I did too, after reporting everything to the police.

The drive down was risky, I did not see well, but I manage to get down the Alps in 20 km a hour.

I had some tramadol left from a operation I had done earlier that year, so I took a couple and went down to the horses and the girls.

I did not see on the right eye, I think I was in shock, but I am raised to work, and so I did.

I told them what happened, because you could clearly see it on my face.

But I could not lay down, or go to the hospital yet, I first had to do my job.

The girl tried the Bayo and Chap, after Dream and Hitch was loaded in the truck and we went to the little show.

My truck had a limit on 80 km, and it can only drive like 40 up hill, and that was good, cause I really did not see. But driving slow and some guidance from my friend and groom who also has the license I manage to drive there. It was not far from home, and only high way. So straight on.
With all the adrenaline in my body and the morphine I manage to not give up, I did not want to be a offer, and I wanted to do as I promised to the American girl, she would look at the horses at the show and see if she found something interesting for her.
I was not worried to jump with Dream, he had already did 160 before and is a very smart horse.

So I could just gallop him and he would basically find the strides himself.

And Hitch, is a big elephant that does not know the action to stop.

So I knew the two horses would be able to carry me around the course.
Dream was fine, we were even clear, I galloped and hold my self in him, and he jumped!

Hitch was a bit shocked that I did not ride like normal, but he jumped anyway, not so good though.
We luckily got safe home, and I had hold my promise of the day to my customer.

The pain in my head could no longer be ignored, and I went to the hospital.
I got some more drugs to get over the weekend, and they told me to see a eye doctor and a surgeon ( a operating doctor ) for my nose.

To be continued

About me, Okategoriserade

A opening came up 

The update has been slow, because I know the post after this one is 🤕bad
In the mean time of me not blogging we have been busy with riding and skiing! Francois❤ the best ski teacher in the world has manage to improve the style on me and Skin 😍🏆🎖

Alf and me

MP (Duc) and me

The ski gang ⛷⛷⛷

I admit, more than enough⛷ ski pictures, so let’s jump back to: My story –

A opportunity came, because “that person” was away, and the babysitter wanted to go away from Suisse to see some relatives for some holiday celebration in …….
Francois had been given strict rules to stay home alone the whole time they were away. The babysitter had even made food boxes for him so he had food to warm up in then microwave I had bought some years back.

But Francois was not going to obey these crazy rules, as soon as the babysitter had left he invited me to stay with him almost a whole week!

It was so goood! Even though he still was very drugged he was so happy to be with me!

I kept him active and I made all his favorite healthy foods!

He was a little worried that the babysitter would be suspicious since her food was not touched so we gave some of it to the foxes😉
The day came, the return of the babysitter. I had carefully cleaned all the evidence of me being in his house, when I left we were both sad.
Potatoes, on the bench in the kitchen made the babysitter suspicious to that I might have been there. The babysitter asked Francois why it was potatoes in the kitchen, he replied that he bought it himself because he was tired of all her rice. He said she should not talk about it to “that person”. How ever that did not help, the second Francois left the room the babysitter phone directly to “that person” and told the successions that I had been there.
“That person” became hysterical and directly booked a ticket from Israel to Suisse
Francois became very angry when he heard this, and told the babysitter that it was fired. The babysitter had to back the bags immediately and leave.
“That person” came back and searched the whole house for Blond hair, and of course “that person” found some.

“That person” had already from before together with “another person” and a “3.person” reserved a room at a home for old people and wanted Francois to move there. He had refused.

Now “that person” said ether Francois takes he babysitter back or he had to move to a home for old people. “That person” also said that he was not allowed to see me anymore at all.
After 1 year and 6 months living in the truck I had rented a apartment at the stables!

It was so weired with all the space, I was used to having everything so crammed together, so at first I did not even like it, but I got used to it fast. And then I could not understand how I even managed to live in the truck so long.

I went to Oliva Nova with the whole team of horses and got a show groom with me.

When we came back my friend Maria came to try one of our horses Chili, she, me and the show groom that was going to stay a couple of weeks extra was staying in a apartment at the stable I had now manage to rent at the stables.

Francois was allowed to come down to see when Maria tried Chili since Maria was a customer, and the idea of selling a horse and getting money was intriguing for “that person”.
To spend a little time with me, Maria and my groom really made Francois come to life and we made the arrangement that we would pick him up in the evening and go and eat at a Chinese restaurant in the Village Francois lives. It would be a good day to do it, since that person apparently did yoga down in Aigle that evening, and we could have him to the restaurant and back before she would be back from yoga on her way home, and might stop on the way to control him.

Me and the two girls was happily driving up the mountain, I passed two cars and continue driving, one of the cars started for follow is, with the long light on, driving 2m from our car. My first thought was that the driver of the car was in a hurry and wanted to pass us, so I stopped beside the rode to let the car drive passed us.

But the car did the same, stopped right behind us with the long lights on.

Creepy, so I drove as fast as I could with the little Yaris, to shake the car and the driver of, but not possible, it keep on driving so close with the long lights on.

I drove super slow to make him pass, no chance. When we came up to the village and the street lights was on I saw in the back mirror that the car and the the driver was “that person”. I quickly phoned to Francois to say that we had to abort the plan.

We stopped the car, “that person” drove in front of us, and stopped right in front of us. Maria and my groom went out to ask that person why it was making dangerous things in the traffic, driving so close with the long lights on.

But they had no time to ask, that person drove direction Francois house and me and the girls drove down and ate in Monthey instead.
To be continued

About me, Francois, Okategoriserade, Travel

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way

So I was living in the truck in Switzerland, once more my rescue plan had failed to success. But I never ever ever ever give up! And I always get what I want, because I want good thing for the once I love and myself! Good always wins!
Two of my best friends , Nashmil and John Hickey had both given my little gifts to keep my spirit up! Nashmil gave me a book, and John Hickey a cd! It really helped!

I learned these important sayings:
There is no way to happiness, HAPPINESS IS THE WAY
And, What do you walk in if you follow the herd?

Like for example: if you walk a long time behind some cows, what do you end up walking in?
Anyway, I was in he truck and “that person” did everything to get me kicked out of Switzerland, even hired a lawyer to get me kicked out of the country!

“That person” also threatened to kill me many times.

It frighten me, because I know what “that person” is capable to do, but my love for Francois was and is stronger❤️
As I wrote in the last post, “that person” had made a lot of rules for Francois.

He was only allowed to come see the horses 2 times a week and maximum 4 hours. He needed 30 min to drive from his house down to the stable and 30 min home. So he had 3 hours to see the horses.

I could not afford a groom at that time, so when I knew he was coming I had brushed all the horses and tacked up two ready so he could see most possible horses in his 3 hours.

I had also build the jumps, so everything was ready!

Me and the horses in Suisse

He was not allowed to be alone with me, but because of the death threats “that person” was not really allowed to come to the stable.
Francois and I wanted to hold each other and be close to each other. So sometimes we did not do the horses but ware only tougher in the truck the 3 hours he was allowed to be there!
I was so worried about him, he got another blood clot in his lungs and could have died a second time.

“That person” said it was because I was coursing Francois so much stress.

But in reality it was all the pills he took and the staying in bed all day and night.
I was many times consumed by sadness, and everything seemed so hopeless, was “these people” going to cause the death of the man I love? But then I was reminded by the book and the cd, every time I was in the car I listen to it, and read the book every day!

My friends came as often as they could to support me!

They wrote wonderful letters to Francois! And made me see that I had to be myself, the happy person that smiled to everybody, that was positive and helpful, and let the person who was crying in despair go.

“That person” did not want to be in Suisse controlling Francois all the time, so a “babysitter” was hired.

The babysitter was from the family and reported back to that person everything Francois did. If he called me to much he would be disciplined, because he was not allowed to talk to me on the phone other than making arrangement to see the horses. “That person” or the babysitter would listen by the door, if he would say that he loves me, and “that person” would hear it, there would be jelling and suddenly the phone was shut off.
For my 30 year old birthday Francois and I had rented a suite the Kempinski in Vevey! We had planed that he would come for 2.5 bourse on my birthday and 2.5 hours the day after! He told “that person” that he was going to see the horses, but “that person” knew it was my birthday and said he was not allowed to go to see the horses at all that week, because it was my birthday and she was not going to give us the satisfaction of being together even for one hour on my birthday.

Birthdays are huge for me, when I was little my parents trow the best birthday parties ever! My birthday would start that they woke me up with cake and a little glass of my favorite fizzy drink + a gift in bed! Then more gifts would be at the piano in the living room. After school it would be birthday party with all kinds of cakes, jelly, boller (a Norwegian thing) pizza🍕 or hot dogs🌭, chips and candy! Other kids would have cakes and hot dogs but not candy and jelly, but my parents had EVERYTHING! My parents and their friends all loved me so they would all bake cakes and deliver to my party!

To the party my friends and my grand parents would always come, and sometime some friends of my parents!

So you can hear I was brought up with really nice birthday, a funny thing is that it is always Sunshine on my birthday.

Back to the story, I was then suddenly alone, in Switzerland, the few friends I had made was unable to come in the evening to the stable to be on my little birthday party, and Francois was not allowed to see me at all.

I had never felt so alone, my 30 year old birthday without one person who actually cared about me.

Turned out to be not so bad after all, the kind people at the stable, even though many of them could not speak English, and I do not speak French , well they came! They had used google translate and made notes and some games for me! Also presents! They was simply so kind, the day was saved by amazing strangers!

I also want to thank Vincent for sending flowers to the truck, and of course my parents for sending a gift in the post 😍 and all of the people that made my birthday a fun day, although my love was not allowed to see me.

The babysitter was suppose to follow him to the stable every time he was allowed to come, and monitor that he did not hug me, or that we were alone together.

But the babysitter was very very afraid of dogs, and in Bex everybody has dogs, and they run freely around!

We were so lucky that the first time she came it was some big dogs at the stable that were rather hyper!

The dogs quickly picked up on the babysitters fear of dogs and started to follow her and behave wildly, jumping up and down. So the babysitter refused to come back to the stable again!

We told her, that here there are only a few dogs, but on the jumping competition there is at least 20 more dogs.

So that was settled, the fear of dogs from the babysitter trumped the control craziness of “that person”. So the stable and the shows remained a “free place” for me and Francois.
When there was shows in the weekend Francois was allowed to come with me one day, but then he was only allowed to come one time to see the horses and me in the week before.

So if he was coming with me to the show on Saturday, he could come and see me and the horses and help me train on Monday. And then I would see him on Saturday again!

But if he was 15 min late home on Monday, he would be punished and was not allowed to come to the show in the weekend.

So if he left home at 09.00 and was home 13.15 instead of 13.00 he was punished.

Like that he missed a lot of things, he missed my first 155/160 with Duc, he missed seeing Siam and me become second in 145. And one time me and Duc was placed in the summer classic a Friday night, both me and Francois was so happy!

I went to the price giving and this made me and Francois come later back to the stable as planed, that caused him to come late for the babysitters dinner. And he was then grounded for two weeks.
Before that he had been as strong as he could be in his situation, since he was still very tranquilest, but had said he was coming with me the whole show in Humlikon. It was agreed, we had even got a hotel and everything! Of course “that person” had said he was only allowed to go to Humlikon with me that week if he behaved well, came home in time and did not sleep in the same place as me at the show.
Anyway, I got placed in the summer classic, that lead to Francois coming to late home on a Friday and what then grounded and was not allowed to see me for two weeks.
We was suppose to go together to Humlikon on Tuesday, since it starts at Wednesday, but Francois was not allowed to come before Friday.

One of my Suisse Friends came to help me on Thursday and staid the whole weekend, thank you Julie💖 but before that I was alone with Bayamo, Siam and Duc!

Luckily John Whitaker used to work with Francois, and since I am Francois girlfriend, John and his top groom Damian took me under their wings. They made sure that in every class before July came I jumped for example as nr9 and John as nr 10 so I could warm up with them!
Humlikon is a huge deal, all the best riders goes there, it is big, technical and on top of that a small ring.

Sadly Francois was only allowed to come Friday, and it is 4 hours to drive. Francois was very tranquilized so he did not arrive before Friday evening.

And he missed me and Duc being clear and placed in the GP qualifier! And siam jumping clear a good 140 course.

He was so sad he cried, he had he trained me to be so much better, and not only had he missed my 155/160 debut, but also this.

Days went by slowly, we both were longing for the days we could see each other, my friends kept being the wind in my back, and the knowing that good always wins! With this I saw new countries and new show rings! But always with Francois in my heart and in my mind

Parlanti started to sponsor me

To be continued

About me, Francois, Okategoriserade, Travel

Desperate times, calls for desperate plans 

So after the putting sugar in the pills did not give the long run outcome I hoped I was making new plans for saving my love!
In the mean time Francois had fixed so a business associate gave me money to buy a used Yaris, old for some people but New for me!! Proud girl! 
“That person” had instructed Francois to give me only 2 000 euro to buy a car, and it had to be road tax and registration included, but Francois did not care, he gave me a little more so I had a safe reliable Yaris!
So I was back in Danmark and Francois was in Switzerland. 
I got this text from a very nice friend of me and Francois

and it made me realize that desperate times like this needs desperate actions!! 

I started to make my plan for taking the horses to Switzerland and rescue my love! 

He had already orders dvds and taken information about the clinic Exit, a Suisse clinic you can go to take suicide with a fluid that you swallow. Nobody in his family had told him not to go, and I was not going to wait until it was to late, that he had gone there or taking suicide some other way. He was also in a high risk group for all other deadly diseases because of all the tranquilizers he was taking.
I had one hope, that “another person” was coming for Christmas and New Year holidays with family and maybe that was going to cheers my love Francois up! 
“Another person” came and Francois still called me from bed, the others were out skiing and he was alone home wanting to kill himself. When the others came back from skiing nobody bother to walk up the stairs to his room and comfort him, or trying to convince him to come down and socialize. 

They ware having fun and nobody cared about him. 
If my father was depressed and wanted to kill himself I would have sat on his bed and not left until he came with me! I would never leave him alone! 
The question is, did “another person” come to visit Francois or to have a free holiday with the family, not including Francois. 
“That person” had made a new rule for Francois, I was only allowed to come visit him once more alone, one week, after that somebody else would supervise him so he took his pills and staid in bed. I would not be allowed to be alone with him anymore.
With my darling crying on the phone, i took the decision, I am the only one who loves Francois, the actions of “that person” and “another person” clearly shows nobody cares. So me and the horses was moving to Switzerland! We were going to save my love and give him the life he always deserved!
I did not even tell him about it, I needed to element of surprise!

I am sure you all know a older person, that the children have put in a home and sold the house of. Well this happens quite often, and I knew I needed some hard core convincing to make Francois see that his life was not over, and that he could do this with me!

And of course saving him from “that person”.
I got stables in Suisse, and money from my parents for the trip! And here we go, come on Kanouk, Duc, Dream, Giga Star, Chaparone and Siam! Let’s gooooo! 
I had been a couple of days with my parents for Christmas and Svend was taking care of the horses in Danmark! 

My parents had agreed to give me the money to go and save my love! 

Christmas in Narvik that year, me trying to smile and be positive so I did not ruin Christmas for my parents. I think if Hanne Marit and Therese reads this, they remember that the first thing I did when I saw them was start to cry, because I was consumed with worries, and when I saw kind people that I knew I wanted to explain, but I could not before the tears came.

Preset form Francois that year, he could not buy me anything, but it was a love letter from him! Best present ever❤️

So after Christmas: 

We arrived in Suisse with the help of Peter and Kristine! 

I was ready for my plan, I went to Francois house when I knew “that person” was in Belgium! 
Francois was at this point so drugged he did not understand anything. I had written him a letter I let him read while I tried to explain him. 

I wrote that he needed to get “that person” out of his life for good, and if he did not do it I would go to the police with some info I knew. I also wrote that I did not care if he gave “that person” all the money, that I would even work double at Mc Donald’s if I had to, to support him!

“That person” had some stuff in the house of Francois, so I packed it nice and moved it out. 

I phoned “that person” and said what I have done. 

“That person” quick came back from

Belgium with a little team of helpers and got me kicked out instead. 

The problem was “that person” did not believe my threats, and did not seem to care. I would never have done it, but I was desperate! 

You have to do everything you can think of to save somebody’s life!! And I already tried all the nice, kind things I could think about. 
I was back in the truck again, but now in the truck in Switzerland, and I was not leaving and I was not giving up.

At that time these guys were my new neighbors 

The Suisse people though I was strange to live in the truck, but I was not concern about that at all, the only thing on my mind was making Francois life better

To be continued!

About me, Francois, Okategoriserade

Being broke, could not pay rent for my apartment and had to move out in my truck 

When I first met Francois in Gothenburg it was February that year. And his beloved son David had taken suicide in January the same year.
➡️”fairytale” about Frank in the post below this one. 
I had got away from my abusive ex the year before and I only had a short relation with a Swedish rider after that, I pretty much have given up on love, and sleeping next to someone was a problem for me. 
Francois was really hurt. And I guess we needed each other. I could cheer him up, and he became a true friend that always had time to listen to me! 
We even made a agreement, that if one of us woke up with a nightmare, even if it was in the middle of the night, – we could always call each other!

Francois told me the story of his life, and I told him mine. After a while we fell in love! I knew that he was married but they had been living a part for years. So I accepted that! 
I still lived in Danmark and Francois still lived in Switzerland, but we saw each other as often as we could! Francois even helped me out with the horses in Danmark when my groom had a day of 

We went on holidays and Francois thought me how to swim! 

He also used a lot of time with me to help me ride better and better! 

Suddenly end of one summer Francois got some problems with his business. I could not see him. He used to call me every day before, but now he called me only once or twice a week. His wife had came back in to his life to “help” him, although she was just doing the opposite. She still lived in her own penthouse but was supposed to make food for Francois or at least go out to buy some. She made a lot of rules and Francois was not “allowed” to see me. Francois started to take a lot of anti depressant prescription  drugs, and was sleeping 24/7. We meet in secret once in Geneva, and spend the night together, he was so drugged that it was difficult to talk to him. He just wanted to sleep. 

At the same time Francois was so drugged that he thought he was broke I guess, and the wife did not think it was any reason for me to get any money, although I had 11 of his horses. The house I was renting was going to be sold so I had to move out, but the big problem was that I had no money to rent something else. 
I had to move in to the truck. My car broke down and I did not have money to repair it, so it got destroyed because nobody wanted to buy it. 
I lived in my truck, outside the stable. In the winter it was so cold in Danmark, if I had the central heater on it was nice and warm, but to warm in the night. If I only had the little own on it was to cold. I could not have water on it in the winter cause the pipes would freeze, so I had to go out to go to the toilet or shower. 
My furniture and my clothes that I could not fit in the truck moved in to the garage of Svend! Thank you Svend

I as I told you I had 11 of Francois horses, and I had a routine for the horses! 
In the morning we ( me and my groom) started at 07.00, we would put Kanouk, Duc, Dream and Giga Star in the walker. Then the rest of the horses in one paddock each. 
Quickly go back and muck out the boxes, clean the water cups, and fill buckets for the horses who had double. 

Put in more straw or shavings in the boxes who needed, put in hay and musli for the horses. 
Swipe the flor and bring the horses in.

After that me and my groom eat breakfast and the horses eat their breakfast. 

Then riding + the horses that ware in the walker in the morning went out in the paddock during the day.
The horses that ware in the paddock in the morning went in the walker during the day. 
All was ridden, and if the was not riding that day they went for a hand walk. 

So every horse came out 3 times a day!
Lucky the boxes, straw and hay Francois had pre paid one year in advance, so the horses had a home even though I lived in the horse truck.

My groom had to live on a madras in Svend’s house. At that time one of my best friends Nashmil was living in his attic, my groom in his living room, and another of my best friends Trine had also had some family challenges and was living in her truck outside his house. 

I was really so broke, so when the money was getting really short I could not pay a groom anymore, and I did everything myself. 

I would start at 06.00 to be finished with the stable before 08.00 in the morning, and I was finished around 21.00 in the evening. 

Then I ate tuna fish on a hermetic box and went to sleep, because I had to get up at 05.45 again and I was really tired. 
A high point for me was when Sven would invite us to come and eat at his house, to eat “real” food was so good! Both me and Trine used to cry a lot, because I was so worried about Francois and I missed him so much, and Trine well that’s her story! 

Sometimes my parents would transfer me money so I could go with Trine to our favorite restaurant Jensen’s bøffhus! It was at that time where you could get a 3 course meal for 150dkk, we would really eat! It was so good, I appreciated so much to sit at the restaurant and eat, it was warm and the chairs ware comfortable, the food never tasted better, it was like heaven! 

I did not have a car so I always had to text Trine or Svend to ask them to drive me to the store. I always bought a lot of hermetic tuna fish, it was cheep and I knew with all the physical work I did I had to get a lot of proteins! Anyway almost every time I called them the would say before hello, do you need me to pick you up to drive you to the store, or do you want to come and eat. 

Christmas came and I was allowed to come a couple of days between Christmas and New Years to see Francois. Svend took care of the horses and my parents paid the plane ticket for me. The wife was suppose to come back on New Years, and I had to be gone by then. 

When Francois came to pick me up at the airport, he had fallen and had a big wound in his head, the wound was infected and clearly at lest 3 days old. Means the wife would have seen it but just ignored it when she came to check on him before she left on holidays to Israel. 

Francois had problems keeping his balance and was very thin, he only wight 70 kg. When we got home he had no food in the house, only 4 different very strong anti depression drugs bipolar people like Francois was not even suppose to take.  

I called my parents, they transferred me more money, and I bough a micro wave own for him, and made enough food for one month and put in the freezer. 

It was difficult for Francois to learn how to use the micro wave because he was so drugged. I made him thisexplantation, and he would often call to make sure he was operating the micro right  

 New Year came and I left. But the wife did not come back, and she did not take the phone and Francois did not hear anything from her to the 10 of January, when she called him back and said she would return from Israel the 11.

 She had left Francois that was very depressed, suicidal, very thin in bad shape, whiteout food and nothing, she even made sure the cleaning women was not coming in that period she was away. I was only allowed to come for a couple of days and she had no idea if I knew how to cook or anything. She made sure I only could stay a couple of days, so he would be a long time alone without anyone calling or anyone coming by. She had left Francois that she said she would help and made all the crazy rules for alone, he could have died.
To be continued 

About me, Francois, Okategoriserade

When I first saw you my heart ❤️

No, it was not love at first sight, but this is the story of how me and my love Francois met!

I never knew that I could love somebody this much, that all the bad things in the past are forgotten, for the privilege of falling a sleep and waking up in your arms every day❤️

You are the best that ever happened to me, and I am forever grateful for your love!

I love you more than anything in the world Francois❤️ and I will always be yours and be here for you❤️ 

So, it was at the end of my period working for Alfarvad, I had already had some other job offers that I was considering. 

But this weekend was all about fun, friends, seeing and learning the latest about show jumping, it was the weekend of Göteborg/Gothenburg Horse show!

Me and one of my best friends John Hickey and his son Luke cheered a rom at the Gothia (and no, nothing romantic there, John is like a brother to me) anyway check out John Hickey, he is a world class rider, trainer dad (to 3 amazing kids) and wonderful husband to a incredible girl Cassandra! Those two😍💖

Check out John Hickey on instagram and google, I learn something from him everyday!

Back to the story, me, John and Luke was there, I was the “horse owner” of Billy Twomy, meaning that I had access to the stables and the warm up.

So basically me, John and our friends ware hanging out at the warm up, studying how the different riders was training and warming up the different horses! 

After seeing all the classes every day on the little tv screen in the warm, I wanted to actually sit in the arena and watch the Grand Prix.

Non of my friends wanted to tag along, so I went to the riders tribune alone looking for a free seat.

It was full, except, there was a man, he was sitting down, he hold his hand on the seat on his right side,- like reserving it, but on the left side the last seat next to the stairs nobody was sitting, so I asked him kindly if I could sit there.

The man looked at me, and he said yes!

I sat down.

We ware not talking.

After a while Achaz Von B approached the man, the man who was Francois and he sat down. 

Achaz was at that time the chef d Equipe for Danmark and he knew me!

He got up and gave me a hug, afterwords he introduced me to Francois!

I then learned that Francois owned the horses of Pius Schwizer, and Achaz was there to train Pius.

Francois told Achaz and me that he had asked Helena Lundback to ride some horses for him, but she had no time. Helena Lundback was 4 th in the World Championship, and I never did anything like that, but I was a solid rider for his younger horses, and you don’t have to compete the World Championship to be that. Achaz suggested that Francois took me as a rider for the young once instead.
I was of course happy about the thought of that, and me and Francois started to talk.

We then decided to sit together for the World Cup the next day.
And so we did.

But that was only the start, more will come tomorrow!

And please if you like my blog, please help me share it on facebook or other social media!
Best wishes


About me, Okategoriserade

Hard work is so much fun

So after making it at the 4 year old chamionship we went back to working really hard with all the lovely horses at the Stud farm!

At that time I did not have a lorry/truck license and I could not drive the big horse truck! Out owner Susanne’s husband John used to drive us to the shows when he had the time, and if not they hired this guy, Christian Fix to drive us! Christian is now the owner of DHT, Danish Horse Transport! They drive everywhere and are top, just google it if you need a good transport 

Me singing on the way to the show😂

We did loads of competitions and the whole team was really stepping up to the task!

The girls ware super, and everybody did the maximum !

Me and Karina even saved a bird, and made a basked up in the air so the cat could not eat it, in a way so the mother still could come and feed him!

We had a lot to do, and even though we ware suppose to work 8-16, we all happily put in a extra effort! I came around 6 they would take turns so : one of the would come 07.00-07.30. I had already ridden two horses before 08.00, the they would stay and helped me to 18.00 almost every day!

Although it was a lot of work, we had so much fun, everybody gave there best everyday! 

The girls would help me warm up the horses! Ride them in the forest and also some of them in dressage! 

We saw progress everyday!

Although I loved working at Alfarvad, and I loved the team, the horses and Bøgeskovhale, it was time for me to go and explore some new adventures. Follow my journey in the next post

Some videos of the Alfarvad horses