About me, Francois, Okategoriserade, Travel

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way

So I was living in the truck in Switzerland, once more my rescue plan had failed to success. But I never ever ever ever give up! And I always get what I want, because I want good thing for the once I love and myself! Good always wins!
Two of my best friends , Nashmil and John Hickey had both given my little gifts to keep my spirit up! Nashmil gave me a book, and John Hickey a cd! It really helped!

I learned these important sayings:
There is no way to happiness, HAPPINESS IS THE WAY
And, What do you walk in if you follow the herd?

Like for example: if you walk a long time behind some cows, what do you end up walking in?
Anyway, I was in he truck and “that person” did everything to get me kicked out of Switzerland, even hired a lawyer to get me kicked out of the country!

“That person” also threatened to kill me many times.

It frighten me, because I know what “that person” is capable to do, but my love for Francois was and is stronger❤️
As I wrote in the last post, “that person” had made a lot of rules for Francois.

He was only allowed to come see the horses 2 times a week and maximum 4 hours. He needed 30 min to drive from his house down to the stable and 30 min home. So he had 3 hours to see the horses.

I could not afford a groom at that time, so when I knew he was coming I had brushed all the horses and tacked up two ready so he could see most possible horses in his 3 hours.

I had also build the jumps, so everything was ready!

Me and the horses in Suisse

He was not allowed to be alone with me, but because of the death threats “that person” was not really allowed to come to the stable.
Francois and I wanted to hold each other and be close to each other. So sometimes we did not do the horses but ware only tougher in the truck the 3 hours he was allowed to be there!
I was so worried about him, he got another blood clot in his lungs and could have died a second time.

“That person” said it was because I was coursing Francois so much stress.

But in reality it was all the pills he took and the staying in bed all day and night.
I was many times consumed by sadness, and everything seemed so hopeless, was “these people” going to cause the death of the man I love? But then I was reminded by the book and the cd, every time I was in the car I listen to it, and read the book every day!

My friends came as often as they could to support me!

They wrote wonderful letters to Francois! And made me see that I had to be myself, the happy person that smiled to everybody, that was positive and helpful, and let the person who was crying in despair go.

“That person” did not want to be in Suisse controlling Francois all the time, so a “babysitter” was hired.

The babysitter was from the family and reported back to that person everything Francois did. If he called me to much he would be disciplined, because he was not allowed to talk to me on the phone other than making arrangement to see the horses. “That person” or the babysitter would listen by the door, if he would say that he loves me, and “that person” would hear it, there would be jelling and suddenly the phone was shut off.
For my 30 year old birthday Francois and I had rented a suite the Kempinski in Vevey! We had planed that he would come for 2.5 bourse on my birthday and 2.5 hours the day after! He told “that person” that he was going to see the horses, but “that person” knew it was my birthday and said he was not allowed to go to see the horses at all that week, because it was my birthday and she was not going to give us the satisfaction of being together even for one hour on my birthday.

Birthdays are huge for me, when I was little my parents trow the best birthday parties ever! My birthday would start that they woke me up with cake and a little glass of my favorite fizzy drink + a gift in bed! Then more gifts would be at the piano in the living room. After school it would be birthday party with all kinds of cakes, jelly, boller (a Norwegian thing) pizza🍕 or hot dogs🌭, chips and candy! Other kids would have cakes and hot dogs but not candy and jelly, but my parents had EVERYTHING! My parents and their friends all loved me so they would all bake cakes and deliver to my party!

To the party my friends and my grand parents would always come, and sometime some friends of my parents!

So you can hear I was brought up with really nice birthday, a funny thing is that it is always Sunshine on my birthday.

Back to the story, I was then suddenly alone, in Switzerland, the few friends I had made was unable to come in the evening to the stable to be on my little birthday party, and Francois was not allowed to see me at all.

I had never felt so alone, my 30 year old birthday without one person who actually cared about me.

Turned out to be not so bad after all, the kind people at the stable, even though many of them could not speak English, and I do not speak French , well they came! They had used google translate and made notes and some games for me! Also presents! They was simply so kind, the day was saved by amazing strangers!

I also want to thank Vincent for sending flowers to the truck, and of course my parents for sending a gift in the post 😍 and all of the people that made my birthday a fun day, although my love was not allowed to see me.

The babysitter was suppose to follow him to the stable every time he was allowed to come, and monitor that he did not hug me, or that we were alone together.

But the babysitter was very very afraid of dogs, and in Bex everybody has dogs, and they run freely around!

We were so lucky that the first time she came it was some big dogs at the stable that were rather hyper!

The dogs quickly picked up on the babysitters fear of dogs and started to follow her and behave wildly, jumping up and down. So the babysitter refused to come back to the stable again!

We told her, that here there are only a few dogs, but on the jumping competition there is at least 20 more dogs.

So that was settled, the fear of dogs from the babysitter trumped the control craziness of “that person”. So the stable and the shows remained a “free place” for me and Francois.
When there was shows in the weekend Francois was allowed to come with me one day, but then he was only allowed to come one time to see the horses and me in the week before.

So if he was coming with me to the show on Saturday, he could come and see me and the horses and help me train on Monday. And then I would see him on Saturday again!

But if he was 15 min late home on Monday, he would be punished and was not allowed to come to the show in the weekend.

So if he left home at 09.00 and was home 13.15 instead of 13.00 he was punished.

Like that he missed a lot of things, he missed my first 155/160 with Duc, he missed seeing Siam and me become second in 145. And one time me and Duc was placed in the summer classic a Friday night, both me and Francois was so happy!

I went to the price giving and this made me and Francois come later back to the stable as planed, that caused him to come late for the babysitters dinner. And he was then grounded for two weeks.
Before that he had been as strong as he could be in his situation, since he was still very tranquilest, but had said he was coming with me the whole show in Humlikon. It was agreed, we had even got a hotel and everything! Of course “that person” had said he was only allowed to go to Humlikon with me that week if he behaved well, came home in time and did not sleep in the same place as me at the show.
Anyway, I got placed in the summer classic, that lead to Francois coming to late home on a Friday and what then grounded and was not allowed to see me for two weeks.
We was suppose to go together to Humlikon on Tuesday, since it starts at Wednesday, but Francois was not allowed to come before Friday.

One of my Suisse Friends came to help me on Thursday and staid the whole weekend, thank you Julie💖 but before that I was alone with Bayamo, Siam and Duc!

Luckily John Whitaker used to work with Francois, and since I am Francois girlfriend, John and his top groom Damian took me under their wings. They made sure that in every class before July came I jumped for example as nr9 and John as nr 10 so I could warm up with them!
Humlikon is a huge deal, all the best riders goes there, it is big, technical and on top of that a small ring.

Sadly Francois was only allowed to come Friday, and it is 4 hours to drive. Francois was very tranquilized so he did not arrive before Friday evening.

And he missed me and Duc being clear and placed in the GP qualifier! And siam jumping clear a good 140 course.

He was so sad he cried, he had he trained me to be so much better, and not only had he missed my 155/160 debut, but also this.

Days went by slowly, we both were longing for the days we could see each other, my friends kept being the wind in my back, and the knowing that good always wins! With this I saw new countries and new show rings! But always with Francois in my heart and in my mind

Parlanti started to sponsor me

To be continued

About me, Francois, Okategoriserade, Travel

Desperate times, calls for desperate plans 

So after the putting sugar in the pills did not give the long run outcome I hoped I was making new plans for saving my love!
In the mean time Francois had fixed so a business associate gave me money to buy a used Yaris, old for some people but New for me!! Proud girl! 
“That person” had instructed Francois to give me only 2 000 euro to buy a car, and it had to be road tax and registration included, but Francois did not care, he gave me a little more so I had a safe reliable Yaris!
So I was back in Danmark and Francois was in Switzerland. 
I got this text from a very nice friend of me and Francois

and it made me realize that desperate times like this needs desperate actions!! 

I started to make my plan for taking the horses to Switzerland and rescue my love! 

He had already orders dvds and taken information about the clinic Exit, a Suisse clinic you can go to take suicide with a fluid that you swallow. Nobody in his family had told him not to go, and I was not going to wait until it was to late, that he had gone there or taking suicide some other way. He was also in a high risk group for all other deadly diseases because of all the tranquilizers he was taking.
I had one hope, that “another person” was coming for Christmas and New Year holidays with family and maybe that was going to cheers my love Francois up! 
“Another person” came and Francois still called me from bed, the others were out skiing and he was alone home wanting to kill himself. When the others came back from skiing nobody bother to walk up the stairs to his room and comfort him, or trying to convince him to come down and socialize. 

They ware having fun and nobody cared about him. 
If my father was depressed and wanted to kill himself I would have sat on his bed and not left until he came with me! I would never leave him alone! 
The question is, did “another person” come to visit Francois or to have a free holiday with the family, not including Francois. 
“That person” had made a new rule for Francois, I was only allowed to come visit him once more alone, one week, after that somebody else would supervise him so he took his pills and staid in bed. I would not be allowed to be alone with him anymore.
With my darling crying on the phone, i took the decision, I am the only one who loves Francois, the actions of “that person” and “another person” clearly shows nobody cares. So me and the horses was moving to Switzerland! We were going to save my love and give him the life he always deserved!
I did not even tell him about it, I needed to element of surprise!

I am sure you all know a older person, that the children have put in a home and sold the house of. Well this happens quite often, and I knew I needed some hard core convincing to make Francois see that his life was not over, and that he could do this with me!

And of course saving him from “that person”.
I got stables in Suisse, and money from my parents for the trip! And here we go, come on Kanouk, Duc, Dream, Giga Star, Chaparone and Siam! Let’s gooooo! 
I had been a couple of days with my parents for Christmas and Svend was taking care of the horses in Danmark! 

My parents had agreed to give me the money to go and save my love! 

Christmas in Narvik that year, me trying to smile and be positive so I did not ruin Christmas for my parents. I think if Hanne Marit and Therese reads this, they remember that the first thing I did when I saw them was start to cry, because I was consumed with worries, and when I saw kind people that I knew I wanted to explain, but I could not before the tears came.

Preset form Francois that year, he could not buy me anything, but it was a love letter from him! Best present ever❤️

So after Christmas: 

We arrived in Suisse with the help of Peter and Kristine! 

I was ready for my plan, I went to Francois house when I knew “that person” was in Belgium! 
Francois was at this point so drugged he did not understand anything. I had written him a letter I let him read while I tried to explain him. 

I wrote that he needed to get “that person” out of his life for good, and if he did not do it I would go to the police with some info I knew. I also wrote that I did not care if he gave “that person” all the money, that I would even work double at Mc Donald’s if I had to, to support him!

“That person” had some stuff in the house of Francois, so I packed it nice and moved it out. 

I phoned “that person” and said what I have done. 

“That person” quick came back from

Belgium with a little team of helpers and got me kicked out instead. 

The problem was “that person” did not believe my threats, and did not seem to care. I would never have done it, but I was desperate! 

You have to do everything you can think of to save somebody’s life!! And I already tried all the nice, kind things I could think about. 
I was back in the truck again, but now in the truck in Switzerland, and I was not leaving and I was not giving up.

At that time these guys were my new neighbors 

The Suisse people though I was strange to live in the truck, but I was not concern about that at all, the only thing on my mind was making Francois life better

To be continued!

About me, Francois, Okategoriserade

Being broke, could not pay rent for my apartment and had to move out in my truck 

When I first met Francois in Gothenburg it was February that year. And his beloved son David had taken suicide in January the same year.
➡️”fairytale” about Frank in the post below this one. 
I had got away from my abusive ex the year before and I only had a short relation with a Swedish rider after that, I pretty much have given up on love, and sleeping next to someone was a problem for me. 
Francois was really hurt. And I guess we needed each other. I could cheer him up, and he became a true friend that always had time to listen to me! 
We even made a agreement, that if one of us woke up with a nightmare, even if it was in the middle of the night, – we could always call each other!

Francois told me the story of his life, and I told him mine. After a while we fell in love! I knew that he was married but they had been living a part for years. So I accepted that! 
I still lived in Danmark and Francois still lived in Switzerland, but we saw each other as often as we could! Francois even helped me out with the horses in Danmark when my groom had a day of 

We went on holidays and Francois thought me how to swim! 

He also used a lot of time with me to help me ride better and better! 

Suddenly end of one summer Francois got some problems with his business. I could not see him. He used to call me every day before, but now he called me only once or twice a week. His wife had came back in to his life to “help” him, although she was just doing the opposite. She still lived in her own penthouse but was supposed to make food for Francois or at least go out to buy some. She made a lot of rules and Francois was not “allowed” to see me. Francois started to take a lot of anti depressant prescription  drugs, and was sleeping 24/7. We meet in secret once in Geneva, and spend the night together, he was so drugged that it was difficult to talk to him. He just wanted to sleep. 

At the same time Francois was so drugged that he thought he was broke I guess, and the wife did not think it was any reason for me to get any money, although I had 11 of his horses. The house I was renting was going to be sold so I had to move out, but the big problem was that I had no money to rent something else. 
I had to move in to the truck. My car broke down and I did not have money to repair it, so it got destroyed because nobody wanted to buy it. 
I lived in my truck, outside the stable. In the winter it was so cold in Danmark, if I had the central heater on it was nice and warm, but to warm in the night. If I only had the little own on it was to cold. I could not have water on it in the winter cause the pipes would freeze, so I had to go out to go to the toilet or shower. 
My furniture and my clothes that I could not fit in the truck moved in to the garage of Svend! Thank you Svend

I as I told you I had 11 of Francois horses, and I had a routine for the horses! 
In the morning we ( me and my groom) started at 07.00, we would put Kanouk, Duc, Dream and Giga Star in the walker. Then the rest of the horses in one paddock each. 
Quickly go back and muck out the boxes, clean the water cups, and fill buckets for the horses who had double. 

Put in more straw or shavings in the boxes who needed, put in hay and musli for the horses. 
Swipe the flor and bring the horses in.

After that me and my groom eat breakfast and the horses eat their breakfast. 

Then riding + the horses that ware in the walker in the morning went out in the paddock during the day.
The horses that ware in the paddock in the morning went in the walker during the day. 
All was ridden, and if the was not riding that day they went for a hand walk. 

So every horse came out 3 times a day!
Lucky the boxes, straw and hay Francois had pre paid one year in advance, so the horses had a home even though I lived in the horse truck.

My groom had to live on a madras in Svend’s house. At that time one of my best friends Nashmil was living in his attic, my groom in his living room, and another of my best friends Trine had also had some family challenges and was living in her truck outside his house. 

I was really so broke, so when the money was getting really short I could not pay a groom anymore, and I did everything myself. 

I would start at 06.00 to be finished with the stable before 08.00 in the morning, and I was finished around 21.00 in the evening. 

Then I ate tuna fish on a hermetic box and went to sleep, because I had to get up at 05.45 again and I was really tired. 
A high point for me was when Sven would invite us to come and eat at his house, to eat “real” food was so good! Both me and Trine used to cry a lot, because I was so worried about Francois and I missed him so much, and Trine well that’s her story! 

Sometimes my parents would transfer me money so I could go with Trine to our favorite restaurant Jensen’s bøffhus! It was at that time where you could get a 3 course meal for 150dkk, we would really eat! It was so good, I appreciated so much to sit at the restaurant and eat, it was warm and the chairs ware comfortable, the food never tasted better, it was like heaven! 

I did not have a car so I always had to text Trine or Svend to ask them to drive me to the store. I always bought a lot of hermetic tuna fish, it was cheep and I knew with all the physical work I did I had to get a lot of proteins! Anyway almost every time I called them the would say before hello, do you need me to pick you up to drive you to the store, or do you want to come and eat. 

Christmas came and I was allowed to come a couple of days between Christmas and New Years to see Francois. Svend took care of the horses and my parents paid the plane ticket for me. The wife was suppose to come back on New Years, and I had to be gone by then. 

When Francois came to pick me up at the airport, he had fallen and had a big wound in his head, the wound was infected and clearly at lest 3 days old. Means the wife would have seen it but just ignored it when she came to check on him before she left on holidays to Israel. 

Francois had problems keeping his balance and was very thin, he only wight 70 kg. When we got home he had no food in the house, only 4 different very strong anti depression drugs bipolar people like Francois was not even suppose to take.  

I called my parents, they transferred me more money, and I bough a micro wave own for him, and made enough food for one month and put in the freezer. 

It was difficult for Francois to learn how to use the micro wave because he was so drugged. I made him thisexplantation, and he would often call to make sure he was operating the micro right  

 New Year came and I left. But the wife did not come back, and she did not take the phone and Francois did not hear anything from her to the 10 of January, when she called him back and said she would return from Israel the 11.

 She had left Francois that was very depressed, suicidal, very thin in bad shape, whiteout food and nothing, she even made sure the cleaning women was not coming in that period she was away. I was only allowed to come for a couple of days and she had no idea if I knew how to cook or anything. She made sure I only could stay a couple of days, so he would be a long time alone without anyone calling or anyone coming by. She had left Francois that she said she would help and made all the crazy rules for alone, he could have died.
To be continued 

About me, Francois, Okategoriserade

When I first saw you my heart ❤️

No, it was not love at first sight, but this is the story of how me and my love Francois met!

I never knew that I could love somebody this much, that all the bad things in the past are forgotten, for the privilege of falling a sleep and waking up in your arms every day❤️

You are the best that ever happened to me, and I am forever grateful for your love!

I love you more than anything in the world Francois❤️ and I will always be yours and be here for you❤️ 

So, it was at the end of my period working for Alfarvad, I had already had some other job offers that I was considering. 

But this weekend was all about fun, friends, seeing and learning the latest about show jumping, it was the weekend of Göteborg/Gothenburg Horse show!

Me and one of my best friends John Hickey and his son Luke cheered a rom at the Gothia (and no, nothing romantic there, John is like a brother to me) anyway check out John Hickey, he is a world class rider, trainer dad (to 3 amazing kids) and wonderful husband to a incredible girl Cassandra! Those two😍💖

Check out John Hickey on instagram and google, I learn something from him everyday!

Back to the story, me, John and Luke was there, I was the “horse owner” of Billy Twomy, meaning that I had access to the stables and the warm up.

So basically me, John and our friends ware hanging out at the warm up, studying how the different riders was training and warming up the different horses! 

After seeing all the classes every day on the little tv screen in the warm, I wanted to actually sit in the arena and watch the Grand Prix.

Non of my friends wanted to tag along, so I went to the riders tribune alone looking for a free seat.

It was full, except, there was a man, he was sitting down, he hold his hand on the seat on his right side,- like reserving it, but on the left side the last seat next to the stairs nobody was sitting, so I asked him kindly if I could sit there.

The man looked at me, and he said yes!

I sat down.

We ware not talking.

After a while Achaz Von B approached the man, the man who was Francois and he sat down. 

Achaz was at that time the chef d Equipe for Danmark and he knew me!

He got up and gave me a hug, afterwords he introduced me to Francois!

I then learned that Francois owned the horses of Pius Schwizer, and Achaz was there to train Pius.

Francois told Achaz and me that he had asked Helena Lundback to ride some horses for him, but she had no time. Helena Lundback was 4 th in the World Championship, and I never did anything like that, but I was a solid rider for his younger horses, and you don’t have to compete the World Championship to be that. Achaz suggested that Francois took me as a rider for the young once instead.
I was of course happy about the thought of that, and me and Francois started to talk.

We then decided to sit together for the World Cup the next day.
And so we did.

But that was only the start, more will come tomorrow!

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Best wishes